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BARB BOTANEE
or Dr. Dain's Guide 2 Plant Growing

Now me know mani peepul gonna ask, "why wuld barb wanna grow a plant?" Well me glad u asked!

Plants has mani uses udder dan froo-froo uses like brightening perfektly gud cave and giving warm tingly feeling of helping sumthing grow. Ugh.

Working Out:

Botanee can be gud for building gigantic barb muscles. Furst u must prepair place to put da plant. If u doing botanee to werk out me suggest fergetting about pots. U gonna need big hole in da ground. U can use shovel if you wimpy, but me prefer to beat hole into ground with fists. Wonce you has a hole, time to go find plant. Me suggest big plant like full-grown tree. Simply walk up to tree, grip firmly and pull thing out. Is important to get lotsa roots if you want thing to grow, but if you just want workout thing is no so important. Den carry plant to hole and stick in. Very Important: stick brown end in ground. Repeat until muscles are big or can do entire job one-handed.

Smell En... Inhance... Improvement:

Me has herd dat wimpy peepul (like magic-using wimps) use plants like flowrs to improve smell. If me catch barb doing thing me gonna do botanee on dem. Plant dem head furst and see if grow. Reel barb shuld grow plant dat has strong smell, like barb. Me persunal faverit is da Castor Bean plant. Thing grow fast and strong like barb and has powerful smell known to repel most bugs, including magic-using wimp. Can smear prickly ball things plant grows to improve persunal smell.

Food:

Botanee can provide mani differnt kinds of food. Is best to has more dan one kind of plant. As example, plant tree like in furst thingy. Den plant berri bush under big branch. Den climb tree and wait on branch. When yummi critter come to eat berri, jump down and bash thing. (Remember to roar and scare thing witless) Caution - magic using wimps also eat lotsa berries and are no gud to eat. Me recommend just scaring things off since most critter avoid smell of ded mage.

Enter... Interta... Fun:

Mani tipes of plants have fun uses as well, but me can no reeli go into thing here. Me just say dat certain flowers or weeds can be made into stuff to make time when u no killing more fun.

Me hope dat dis finally end da nasti rumors dat us barbs is just big stoopid folks dat like to bash stuff. Sure, us like to bash but us no stoopid. Us has rich culchur two. Us has great acom... akomplish... stuff us done. Me offer as example Haraku Publik Skratch an Sniff Library, and da werld famus Haraku Yoonaversiti, me's Alma Madder.

Dain, da Barb Poh-et, Phd.

(Incidentally, Dain graduated top of his class, and holds majors in Botanee, Poh-tree, Applied Fist Fysiks, and Remedial Walking and Chewing Gum. He was also voted Most Likely to be in a Drunken Brawl.)